Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
