At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
