I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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