Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
