Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
