my sisters under your porch take her home
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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