Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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