Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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