I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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