Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
