oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You ate ashes out of my bong
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
