I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
