Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
