I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
