It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
