I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
