Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
no. you can't hotbox the world.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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