are you still at the devil's house?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
