thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just want nice things and good sex
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
