Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
