Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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