I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
