This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
