I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
