she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
