just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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