her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize