This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize