we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
