So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
