if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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