The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
