My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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