I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize