at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
lets start a swedish sibling band together
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
