I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
