we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
