wake up i wanna do it froggy style
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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