I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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