Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
