Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Drunk is a universal language darling
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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