remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
