He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
