Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
