my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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