So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
