So drunk its hurt
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
