C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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