Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
