last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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