Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
