I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
