So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
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