My underwear smells like fireworks.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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