rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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