last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
