I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize