I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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