I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
