I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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